Momisms

What Moms say AND what she REALLY means...

"Look it up in the dictionary!"

Translation: Are you kidding? I have no idea how to spell prestidigitation and I'm too damned old to learn!

"I never talked to my mother like that!"

Translation: I can't think of a snappy comeback right now so I'm playing the guilt card...again.

"Just be yourself"

Translation for a son: Be anyone but your father.

Translation for a daughter: Just be like me.

"I'm not here to entertain you"

Translation: You have a five-thousand-dollar play structure in the backyard, a big-screen TV, dozens of video games, 2,975,221 Lego pieces on the floor of your closet, two scooters, a bike, and six kids your age living within two hundred feet of our front door. How can you possibly barge in here, interrupt my Oprah time, and complain: "There's nothing to do?!"

"You have a cute little figure"

Translation: So you look like a stick! Enjoy it while it lasts.

"This, too, shall pass"

Translation: Get over it.

"Don't make me come in there!"

Translation: I don't know what you're doing behind that door. And I don't want to know. But if I keep hearing those blood-curdling screams, I'm going to have to get up off this couch and miss God-knows-how-many minutes of Dr. Phil. And then there will be hell to pay, mister!

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope it's a great one filled with wonderful memories.

~Jacque